Social Media – How soon and how much is too much for your child?

01 Sep Social Media – How soon and how much is too much for your child?

Parents have been grappling for years on how soon to give their child a laptop or smart phone, and how much time do they allow them to spend, particularly with online social interaction. The pandemic has forced an avalanche of online learning, which provides opportunities for other activities that have nothing to do with formal education.

The ever-increasing digital culture we now live in is obviously having a profound effect on the children of today. Their expectations seem to be, at times, out of their parents’ control while they struggle to manage the constant need to be connected on the various platforms of social media.

I was working with a seven year old girl, who was brought in by her parents because she was having raging temper tantrums and hurting herself in the process. The problem: she didn’t have a cell phone and “all of her friends” did have one. Her parents, trying to act responsibly and, truthfully, not able to afford the cost of a cell phone had told her she had to wait until she was at least ten years old. This edict caused her to act out in school and her grades suffered as a consequence. This real lack of a defensible standard for technology access, based on scientific research, was presenting a real problem (shared by many other families too). I was not able to help the family as much as I would have liked with only one session because her parents were in the process of being evicted. This, of course, added to the family stress and created additional problems for the girl because she was experiencing the very real fear that she was going to lose all of her friends in the process of moving.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal noted a growing trend by child psychologists and other experts who recommend parents “wait until 8th” before giving their children a smartphone, especially. This means not getting a smartphone until they reach the eighth grade before they are fully allowed access to unrestricted online activity. (I can almost hear the screams of every child under the age of twelve already!). There are always, of course, parental controls necessary to ensure the child’s safety.

There are many reasons for this, which are obvious, but not always understood by an adolescent who feels the peer pressure to stay in touch with friends who may have the perception of greater online freedom and don’t hesitate to flaunt it. One problem that is just beginning to be fully researched is the effect that technology has on the developing brains of children. Our brains are not fully formed until about the age of twenty-five. Children, in the range between 4-10 years old especially, are just learning being able to focus, managing impulse control, and shaping their identities. ScreenStrong, an advocate organization for limiting screen time for children points out the inherent difficulties when you give children distracting adult learning tools too quickly.

In a previous blog, I noted the added difficulty that technology poses with children becoming addicted to the feel-good chemicals produced in the brain while they are engaged in interacting with computers on any level. The younger a child is when this first takes hold of the brain, the more difficult it is for a parent to manage. Technology usage is almost like a having a sugar IV pumping into your brain.

The Wall Street Journal article also recommended a number of options for “basic feature” phones that mimic technology, but restrict online access and still allow for various safe features like phone calling, texting, music, calendar, alarms, screen time limits, and GPS tracking. These have the look of smartphones, so the peer pressure is less, but still allows parents a distinct measure of relief when it comes the to the safety of their child. The four options listed include the Light Phone II, the GABB, the Gizmo Watch 2, and the Pinwheel phone. These are just the start of an attempt by companies to create more products for kids, of course, but they actually begin to help parents too.

Let’s be very clear, though. Technology is a great advancement in the world today because of all that it allows us to do. But, it is what we do with it that matters the most, and how we introduce our children to the possibilities that it represents. They will take it to the next level, which may include biologically interacting with technology through implanted microchips, virtual reality learning, and other possibilities only imagined in science fiction movies. It is inevitable that this is how we will continue to evolve and learn as spirits having a human experience. The balance between helping our children grow in a safe environment keeps shifting because of changing belief systems, constant media and corporate grabs for our attention and spending habits, and a continuing desire to understand the world we live in.

For more information on this and other topics, please check: Click to get your personal copy of The One Minute Therapist at Amazon!