Why Do I Resist Change?

15 Feb Why Do I Resist Change?

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Resistance to change is a fruitless endeavor and can be extremely frustrating if we don’t realize that we are sabotaging ourselves when we resist change.  Jesse Owens, a record setting Olympic athlete, was once quoted as saying, “To those who see what it took me nearly sixty years to see – that the choice isn’t between changing or not changing, but between changing for the better or for the worse…”  In other words, change is constant and  inevitable, but it is our choice whether it serves us or not.

Consider all the discussion about climate change and whether it is real or not. To anyone who is paying attention, there can be no doubt that the climate is changing. We see it in the temperature fluctuations, the seasonal anomalies, the increase in severe weather patterns, and the melting of the polar ice caps. The planet we live on is a living, breathing, ever-changing organism. It will adapt to whatever humankind does to it, but we may not like the outcome. Change is indeed happening in the world around us just as it is in our personal lives. It’s the choices we make for ourselves that really matters.

What we resist, persists.  We are experiencing life in this reality to grow and evolve as a spirit having a human experience.  If we allow our ego to dictate what and how we will grow, then we severely limit ourselves in our own emotional, mental, and spiritual growth.

Many times I have heard clients tell me that they keep facing the same situation over and over again and can’t quite seem figure out why it keeps happening.  One of my college students agreed that, “Sometimes you change something, but still receive the same outcome.  This is due to not actively changing something negative, but rather changing the face of the problem.”  It is because we are resisting the opportunity that is being presented and we are not learning the lesson that is being provided.  This manifests in many different forms, but some of the more common ones include:

1. I keep picking losers in relationships!
2. I can’t seem to make a relationship work!
3. I always seem to end up with someone who beats me!
4. I don’t know what I should be doing with my life!
5. We just don’t know how to communicate without arguing!
6. My career is going nowhere, and I don’t know what to do!
7. I know what I should do, but I just can’t do it!
8. I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid!
9. I feel like I don’t really deserve anything better!
10. Why should I try…I’ll probably screw it up anyhow!

Often, we try to think our way out of something under the mistaken impression that logic will dictate the right path.  We forget that how we intuitively feel about something is critical to resolving any problem.  If we allow for the embracing of the feeling and transforming it with love in our hearts, every problem we ever face can be resolved.

The fear of changing is based on our belief that we will fail, or we will lose control over some part of our life.  The truth is you are being controlled by your own fears when you follow this line of thinking (logic).  Change is always an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves.

I had a client who reminded me of the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”  The client was a (self-admitted) chronic liar because he didn’t want to address his own perceived shortcomings and he thought he was avoiding trouble by doing so. It was how he learned, as a child, to avoid as much punishment as possible and gain love and acceptance from his mother.  The truth is, he just created more trouble because he was always being caught in his own lies.  All he had to do was change the habit he had built for himself and start telling the truth.  He was afraid of the consequences for telling the truth, but his lying only made the consequences worse and deepened the emotional wounds he was inflicting on his family.

We kept having the same conversation every week, he could recite what he needed to do to keep the peace, and he would promise to go do it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to initiate the task. As far as I know, he still hasn’t been able to do that for himself and his family.  His resistance to change is stunting his own emotional growth and creating turmoil on a daily basis for his family.  In truth, he found it easier to keep his learned patterns of protective behavior rather than being honest about how he felt in his relationship with his family.  I didn’t have enough time to work with him on releasing the blocks to his own negative thinking because his fear of change was so great.

When you learn to embrace change, and the opportunity it presents, it becomes your friend and not something to be feared.  Change your thinking about how you experience change and you will change your whole life for the better.

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