01 Oct Making Choices in a Relationship
I have come to believe, from reading such authors as Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Suzanne Giesemann and others, that we choose our life path experiences to learn more about ourselves and to feel the range of emotions to which we are exposed. If we feel like we are repeating the same experiences over and over again, then we have not learned what we were supposed learn to from the experience. This is particularly true with being in relationships.
Photo by Priscilla DuPreez on Unsplash
Often, I have clients who will say that they are going through the same emotional turmoil in their current relationship that they did in their past relationship(s). They don’t feel as though they are making any progress. One of my first questions is, “What are you learning about yourself in the process,” and “What are you resisting changing about yourself?”
I was working with a client who was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, which she attributed to stressful driving situations and having “disagreeable children.” Both of these are, of course, legitimate complaints from a client’s perspective. Digging a little deeper with her soon revealed a mismatch in her relationship with her husband.
They were childhood sweethearts who met in high school. She was encouraged and pressured by her parents to marry because her husband was “bound to make it big” in the technology field. He eventually started several tech companies and became a self-made millionaire several times over.
The real problem with the client took several sessions for her to reveal, but she finally admitted that she knew the day they were getting married that she was making a mistake. She knew that she had grown to love him, but she wasn’t ‘in love’ with him. But, she felt compelled to go through with it because the church was filled with family and friends, and she didn’t want to disappoint her parents. It was a choice she was being forced (in her own mind) to take whether she liked it or not.
How often do we believe we have to make a choice that is really against what we honestly feel we want for ourselves? How often do we make choices just to please someone else even though it will affect us our whole life until we decide to change it with a different choice?
The client’s husband simply wanted someone who could be a good corporate wife, be content driving a $200K sports car, and take care of their kids. He was truly mystified why there was a problem in their marriage. What he failed to realize was that he was more married to his business interests and was not as invested in his relationship with his wife.
This couple was in the process of learning about each other in a totally light than when they were childhood sweethearts. She could not bring herself to divorce her husband because it would “disappoint so many people.” In effect, she was making the same mistake all over again allowing other people to decide her happiness.
Each step in a relationship should feel like you are making progress with your ability to make a relationship work. If it feels like you are in a “Groundhog Day” repeating loop, then there is something that you are missing and not giving the necessary amount of attention. If you are resisting change, then you must stop and begin the letting go process to feel any relief.
Remember, everything you experience is a co-creation because it is based on decisions you made for yourself. Every choice you make is a potentially life-changing experience. You simply have to have the fortitude to be guided by your own inner voice and the courage to act on the information you receive.
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